May 07, 2015

My Path to Motherhood #Nurseisms #ThankANurse

This blog post is part of a paid SocialMoms and Dignity Health blogging program. The opinions and ideas expressed here are my own.

When asked to share my thoughts of my experience with Dignity Health, I was thrilled.  Finally an opportunity to thank all the nurses I met during my struggles with fertility.  I remember my first appointment.  I was a nervous wreck.  Hubby and I had been trying for months to conceive and nothing was happening.  My doctor referred me to St. Mary's Medical Center for to meet with an endocrinologist.  It was there I heard the words Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  Finally, an explanation for our infertility.

An explanation helps but when you're nearing 30 and everyone you know who wants kids, has kids, who wants an explanation.  The explanation gave us some hope. Hubby never seemed to lose hope.  I on the other hand, well hope faded at times.  He wasn't the one being subject to bi-monthly blood draws, prodding with vaginal speculums and cold ultrasound gel.  Hope?  Please.

I remember one particular routine appointment.  A same sex couple I'd seen several times before exited into the waiting room touting their good news.  "We're pregnant", they beamed.

As much as I wanted to rejoice with them, my heart sank, a huge lump formed in my throat, I hid behind my dark sunglasses trying to conceal the tears slowly streaming down my cheek.

I sat there... alone.

When my name was called, I rose and followed the nurse to the waiting examination room.  I knew the routine:  undress from the bottom down; lie back and wait.  My mind raced as I slowly undressed. 

"Why did I wear stockings this day" I thought.

Then all of a sudden I broke down, fell to the floor and started crying hysterically. 

I was angry.
  I was heartbroken.
     I was a wreck. 

All these feelings vied for escape.  I must have been crying loudly becuase out of nowhere an angel in scrubs appeared and helped me to my feet. 

She hugged me and let me cry out my pain.  She told me it'd be okay and preceeded to share why she became a nurse.  She too suffered from infertility.  After years of fertility treatments, she and her husband welcomed a baby boy.  She became a nurse because she wanted to help others who, like her, struggled with fertility. 

I never got the chance to really thank her for words of encouragement.  I never got her name.  I don't recall her face.  I simply recall a moment we shared.  A moment which gave me enough courage to make it to the next appointment and the next appointment and battery of appointments after that.

About a year after being treated at St. Mary's I relocated across the Bay and started seeing another group of specialists.  A few years later, Hubby and I received the news we'd waited what seemed like a lifetime to hear.

I returned to St. Mary's shortly after the birth of the twins to thank the staff and introduce them to our babies but the nursing staff had changed and the nurse who gave me the courage to keep going was no longer there.  I pray she reads this and knows I remember her kind words and appreciate her for helping me pull it together.  I'm a mommy now.  I'm a mom forever!

How has a nurse changed your life?  Leave a comment below sharing your story.  Be sure to check out the #Nurseisms hashtag on social media for other stories thanking nurses for all they do.

Disclosure: This blog post is part of a paid SocialMoms and Dignity Health blogging program. The opinions and ideas expressed here are my own.


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